| 28 October 2009
In college sports, I figure you can never go wrong rooting against teams wearing orange: Florida. Miami. Tennessee. Clemson. Auburn. Syracuse. Illinois. Boise State. I hate all of them. Oregon State? Well, hell, they're another OSU, and they have the crappiest-looking college campus I've ever set foot on, so screw them, too. I can't think of any good reason to hate Bowling Green and Bucknell, but that's only because they're so easy to ignore.
So what should a Sooner fan do when the Sooners' two most-hated orange-clad rivals play each other? Just keep in mind the cardinal rule:
Always root for the Sooners and what's good for them.
And its corollary:
If it's bad for the Longhorns, it's probably good for the Sooners.
Now that was easy, wasn't it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know if you're a Sooner fan in Oklahoma, you have to put up without a lot of psychotic shrieking from the O-State fans. This just isn't a concern for those of us living elsewhere since an O-State education prepares so few for employment beyond the state's borders. But if you're paying more attention to the purse dog that's yapping at your feet than the pit bull trying to rip your throat out, you seriously need to reorder your priorities.
Let's face it, folks. Texas is the rival; O-State is an afterthought. Texas is the rich high-school class president who packs benzodiazepine on dates; O-State is the FFA secretary who one of these days will work up the nerve to ask out the moderately cute girl in American lit. Texas is the James Bond archvillain; O-State is a henchman killed in the second reel. Texas is a leg-breaking schemer like Frank Erwin; O-State is, well, Jim Inhofe. Whever O-State loses, it's a source of laughter, but when Texas loses, it's inspirational.
If Texas beats O-State Saturday, then the odds are that the Longhorns will make the national title game, and we don't want that (especially agains the likes of Iowa). Even with a victory Saturday, the best O-State can hope for is the Big 12's spot in the BCS bowl, because too many teams are between them and a spot in the Rose. And heck, we can knock them out of even that when they come to Norman.
But here's the real clincher: if O-State beats Texas, and the Sooners win out, then a second stumble by Texas would likely put Oklahoma back in the conference championship game. But if Texas wins, they coast into championship game, glide past whatever crappy team wins the North and probably find themselves in a position where injuring another starting quarterbak gives Mack Brown a second crystal football. And some of you are worried about yappers?
